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When my "stop teaching girls that boys are mean to them because they like them" piece went viral, often without attribution to the source (me), it's original meaning got misconstrued. I wish more people knew my intentions behind it, as sometimes it gets frustrating when people keep saying the same misconceptions about it back to me daily, believing they're the first person to say it. Here are some common responses I hear:

1.) "No! We should be teaching boys not to be mean to girls they like!!!" OK, first off, this piece is inspired by my personal experiences as a woman, it makes sense to do it from my own perspective. So, this isn't to say that I think boys shouldn't be taught not to be mean to the girls they like, quite the contrary but this quote is inspired by the things I wish I'd been taught as a young girl.

2.) "Well, I was never taught that..." this isn't about this one message "that boys are mean to you because they like you" it's about an entire culture that romanticises toxic behaviours in heterosexual relationships. You may not have ever been explicitly told this statement but it's underlying message is taught to us in other ways, take the romanticisation of the "bad boy" as another example. I could go further into this but just because you haven't experienced something first hand doesn't mean it doesn't happen to others. It's quite closed minded and arrogant to say that something isn't real just because you haven't experienced it.

3.) "Pfft how can this woman promote feminism but use the colour pink in association with girls, that's sexist!" Whenever I read comments like this, I facepalm. It's wrong that society pressures people to conform to gender stereotypes, for example, if you're a girl you must like pink. However, telling a girl she can't express herself using pink is just as bad as telling her she must. That makes you guilty of what you're accusing others of doing, putting limitations on how people choose to express themselves based on their gender. Why can't I use the colour pink in my art if I want to? I really doubt you'd come at males expressing their personal experiences in "masculine" ways, or question the integrity of their work because they use the colour blue? So women aren't allowed to use "feminine" ways of expressing themselves, otherwise they're sexist? How is that equal?

4.) "It should be stop teaching people that people are mean to them because they like them!" I purposefully chose to use "girls" and "boys" because I'm talking about heteronormative behaviours. It wouldn't have the same meaning if I generalised. I'm talking about my personal experiences as a woman in heterosexual relationships.

I can't think of any other common responses people say in regards to this piece right now but these are the one's that crop up the most often. 

When you share artwork online without crediting the artist, it creates many issues for them.

Here's some of the reasons why -

As soon as an artwork enters a public space without a clear owner, individuals and companies think it's up for grabs.

Like a thief that enters a park and sees a bag that's been left on a bench, even though they know it must have an owner, they steal it anyway.

I've heard all the excuses under the sun - "well it's the artists fault for putting it out on the internet, what do they expect".

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When artists publish their artwork online, they mainly do so to their own website or social media accounts. In doing so, they're clearly stating "this is mine".

The issue is when people take their artwork from their website or social media accounts and don't clearly state whose it is. 

You're effectively taking the bag from someone's home and dropping it off on the park bench for thieves to steal. You're assisting the crime.

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My work has been posted online here there and everywhere without credit.

Then individuals and brands come along and think "I'm having this" and sell them or even worse, other "artists" pretend it's their work.

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There's a whole online industry of people who run instagram accounts that post solely other peoples images to build a following and sell paid promotions on their accounts to advertisers. They're indirectly making money out of posting artists' images, using them for free, without even bothering to credit them. None of their content is legally theirs, their account wouldn't exist if it weren't for artists images. The least they could do is credit them, it's only fair.

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When brands use artists' images as marketing material for their social media, they're effectively using our work as free advertising. Offline, brands would have to pay to license artists images for advertising. They'd have to pay thousands to create their own adverts, to pay for a studio, models, photographers, lighting assistants, editors and so on. I'm not asking for money, all I'm asking for is credit. You're not entitled to my work, I could easily get it taken down but I don't want to have to resort to that.

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Brands taking artists' work and using it to promote themselves, is also detrimental to the meaning of their artwork. Mac Donald's can't just take the Mona Lisa and stick it their Happy Meals. Brands need permission because artists might not want the message of their artwork to be associated with theirs. 

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Do you realise how shit it is to see my "stop teaching girls that boys are mean to them because they like them" posted without my permission by brands that only want to promote "girl power" because they think it's trendy. Then I get lumped in with their fake feminism. They preach #girlpower, until it comes to actually supporting women. There's nothing feminist about not giving women artists credit where credits due, taking advantage of them for your own benefit.

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Posting artists' work uncredited online is particularly detrimental for creatives just starting out. When your work gets spread without credit, no one knows its yours. That work gets ripped off by more well known brands or "artists" and people recognise it as theirs, not the original artists. 

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These young artists have to start over, as now people who come across their work will just assume they're ripping off the more well known brands or "artists", when in fact they're the original. Their style has become a "trend" that people are bored of, as they've seen it all before.

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Today I've lightly touched on how its damaging to an artists career to post their work online uncredited, I could go into greater detail but I'll leave that for another day. I haven't even touched on how it affects artists well being. We care, we really really care about what we make. 

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I've often heard people defend posting artists' work online without credit by saying "it's the internet, everyone does it". Well just because something is the norm, doesn't mean it's right. "It's just the way things are" is not an excuse. In fact, in Instagram's, Facebook's, Tumblrs and Twitters term of service it says you can't post copyrighted materials.

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"When you post something on the internet, it's no longer yours" I don't know why people believe this, as it's simply not true. Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest all have the option to contact them to get your own content removed from accounts that aren't yours, they might even decide to suspend your account if this is a repeat violation of their platforms terms of service.

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Also posting artists' work online without credit because you "found it on the internet" isn't an excuse either. You know it belongs to someone, google it. If you can't be arsed to find attribution don't post it. The internet isn't some generator of free art made by robots. If you're going to post artists work, @ them in the caption, so it's clear. Don't passive aggressively ignore them for days then later "tag" them as credit, no one checks tags.

If you're an artist, do not underestimate the value of your work, you have every right to protect it. Its yours, no matter how many times people violate your right to ownership. Don't forget that you have something of value, that people will try to take for their own gain. 

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I can't speak for all artists but I'll speak for myself, I have no issue at all with social media accounts posting my work when its clearly credited as mine, I'm extremely grateful for the support. My only issue is with people who don't bother to credit.

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Below are  some examples of my "teaching girls that boys are mean to them because they like them" embroidery that has been shared thousands of times online uncredited, this is just the tip of the iceberg.

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Also some of these accounts later credited me but in the world of social media, even if somethings been up for an hour, by this point it could have been seen by thousands of people and shared by them with the wrong attribution. So it's kind of futile.

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I know I'm probably coming across as pissed but I am, when this happens every day you kind of loose all patience. Accounts will ignore and dismiss you politely asking them to credit. They don't care until I have to report it to instagram and it effects them. You won't believe the sense of entitlement some people feel to use your work, they actually get angry when you ask for credit. It could all be so easy, if you just. credited. artists.

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There's nothing "feminist" about not giving women artists credit where credits due.

I finally did it and got some machine embroidered iron on patches made!

I wanted to retain the handmade touch of my embroidered patches so designs are entirely drawn by hand, including the "font".
Here they are:

 

"Stop teaching girls that boys are mean to them because they like them" iron on patch, available here.


"Your first love should be yourself" iron on patch, available here.

The themes I wanted to explore in my most recent collection are: being young and inexperienced in relationships. Betrayal and heartbreak.

When you're young and inexperienced in relationships, its natural to anticipate only the best from boys. I guess you could say, you have blind faith in them and you innocently assume their intentions are sincere because yours are. So it can come as a shock when you realise that actually, there are a lot of boys out there who will have no problem at all fucking you over and sleeping soundly at night.

In fact, maybe at first, you're in total disbelief that people can be so shady, what kind of person intentionally uses and hurts others without remorse? In your naivety, you assumed everyone shared the same moral integrity. So refusing to take your rose tinted glasses off, you overlook the 'bad' in boys and give them the benefit of the doubt.  

You start denying, minimising and rationalising their mistreatment and disrespect. You become desenitised to toxic relationships and start to believe its normal, you start to loose sight of who you are and your own moral standards. You want to believe everyone has your best interests at heart, even in the face of overwhelming evidence they don't.

I wanted to create this piece "Boys Lie, So Look Before You Leap" as a warning not to jump into relationships with blind faith that everyone is trustworthy. Some boys are narcissistic liars and will wreak havoc with your emotional and mental well being. 

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"Boys Lie, So Look Before You Leap" available here.

This is not to say you are to blame for boys betraying, disrespecting or mistreating you. They are entirely accountable for their own actions, its NOT your fault. Your only weakness is putting blind faith into others and assuming everyone has their heart is in the right place. No one ever teaches us how to trust smartly. In fact, girls are conditioned to excuse and even romanticise shady behavior, we tell little girls "he's only mean to you because he likes you."

Develop your judgment skills, in assessing whether someone or not someone is trustworthy (because unfortunately not everyone is), you have to remain level-headed. Don't just give your trust away, it has to be earned. Its all about finding a balance, you can't trust blindly but neither can you be completely distrustful. Trust should work like balancing scales, it starts out neutral & you adjust it with evidence. Acknowledge when someone does something shady but also recognize when they do something that shows they're trustworthy.

Trusting blindly, is like putting (imaginary) evidence on the 'trustworthy' scale, before they've even proven themselves. Similarly, being completely distrustful, is like putting (imaginary) evidence on the 'untrustworthy' scale, when someone hasn't even done anything wrong! Don't cast aspersions on everybody because of the actions of your fuckboy exes. I know its hard when you've experienced betrayal over & over but would you like to be punished for other people's actions? The fact is, not everyone is trustworthy but you have to realise some people are legit & if you don't give them a fair chance you'll push them away.

You can't expect to know whether or not you can trust someone straight away, people prove themselves overtime with consistent actions. Keep your eyes open & give someone the trust they deserve. You have to accept there's always going to be an element of risk when you decide to trust someone but of course, some people are safer bets than others. Make sure you invest your trust & loyalty in someone who is worthy.

 

There are red flags that someone is shady, just don't blame yourself for not knowing what they are. Learn from shady exes what type of people & traits to avoid in the future. If you look back at those relationships, you will see there were red flags there from the start. Eventually, you will be able to spot fuckboys from a mile off. You will feel more confident going into new relationships because you're more likely to notice when someone is bad news. You are not the same naive person you were in previous relationships, that didn't see such shady people coming. You're wiser.

Official "Stop teaching girls that boys are mean to them because they like them" badges, copyright King Sophie's World. Now available exclusively through www.kingsophiesworld.co.uk.