News
Series of embroidered textile "red flags"
This is my ongoing series of "red flags" I've been making over the last year or so about dating, relationships and people in general. This series is inspired in part by the cultural pressure placed on women to be clairvoyants when it comes to men's intentions. Society often blames women for not predicting men's behaviour, as opposed to blaming men for mistreating women in the first place. This encourages women to internalise blame and feel ashamed for not "seeing" the red flags. These red flags are about some of the things I've learnt:
"Just because you couldn't see someone's red flags doesn't mean you deserved to be treated badly"
"When they expect you to be their girlfriend, without being your boyfriend"
"they only want you when they can't have you"
"When acquaintances love them but people who know them hate them"
"When people derail conversations about social issues because they're not about them"
"When they refer to women as females"
"When they think compassion and emotional intelligence are signs of weakness"
Stop Blaming Women For Men's Inadequacies
Statements like the ones above, that imply women are at fault for how men have chosen to mistreat them, are wrong. It leads women to feel ashamed and guilty, they direct anger towards themselves instead of the perpetrator. The ironic thing is, making women hate themselves, does nothing to end the cycle of toxic relationships because guess what, they're not the problem!
Women waste years believing these stereotypes and thinking that there's something fundamentally wrong with them that is provoking men to treat them badly, that they don't deserve any better. When the reality is, they're not the problem, the problem is some people are simply incapable of treating others with care and respect. They don't have it in them. I would tell anyone who implies women are to blame for men's inadequacies to fuck off.
Embroidery In-Store Pop Up Event For Eileen Fisher
You're not a bad boy you're just a bad person
"Bad boys" are often portrayed as troubled but with a hidden sensitive side, that's supposed to redeem them. This misleads women to deny, minimize and justify the terrible actions of men because they're still a "good person deep down", that they "don't really mean it" and they're "not all bad".
The myth of the bad boy encourages women to overlook the bad in boys, despite how they mistreat them and give them the benefit of the doubt. Even in the face of overwhelming evidence they don't have their best interests at heart.
Women believe that if they could just make them see the pain they're inflicting, they'd change. Nope. They're never sorry, you can't appeal to someone's conscience when they don't have one. The reality is, "bad boys" are just bad people.
-
